There are a lot of people who seem to think that when you’ve acquired a need by doing something, it shouldn’t be given the same respect as needs that happen to everyone. A lot of people need coffee in the morning. Maybe they weren’t born needing coffee, but when your body is used to it, and suddenly you don’t get it, the effects are there, and it’s best to deal with that need. Did you know that something similar happens when you take a lot of vitamin C? Your body gets used to, and requires a higher level than folks who don’t supplement. They can get scurvy if they stop suddenly.
You may have heard people talking about various self soothing behaviors as being “a crutch”, like it’s a bad thing. Crutches are wonderful for those who need them, and we shouldn’t accept using the term as if most the time people use them it was unnecessary. Our culture has too many habits of disparaging the needs of others.
We can create needs in a positive way- falling in love creates a need to be with the other person, we can feel a need to be with our child, especially when post-partum hormones are swirling through our systems. I have a theory that some sort of hormonal change during menopause makes aging women want to care for babies. (Perhaps that insures the survival of the species when the demands on a young mother is too great?) These are normal, if not universal, and do come with choices we’ve made. So lighten up on both yourself and those around you. If someone is better off with the something (or someone) in their life, it’s a good thing to meet that need, just as if it were air or water. When you figure out what your “invisible” needs are, your life will be so much better, and that will make the lives of those around you better too.